this morning, i almost cried in front of my students. it's been a bit of a rough weekend. george helped see me through it with kindness and love and food and shopping and even some laughter. and i was feeling okay this morning until i had to talk to someone about it again right before getting to class. so i showed up in class a little emotional. and had to apologize to my students for distributing some information late. and before i knew it i was tearing up again. i hate such things. it's only happened once before--last spring when i was so sick that i got lightheaded and felt like i was close to passing out while i was teaching. i don't mind showing a weakness i can laugh about--like throwing up on the first day of class. but the other ones--the ones that scare me a bit--those are harder.
after class was over, one of my students asked if she could talk to me apart from the other after-class hangers-on, so i asked her to wait a moment while i answered the others' questions. once they'd all left, she surprised me. instead of asking about our current paper or the homework, she said, "you seem like such a beautiful person. and i can tell you're not feeling up to your best. i'm sorry things are hard right now." and she gave me a hug. if i were feeling particularly cynical, i suppose i could attribute this to brown-nosing. but her eyes glossed over with tears while she was speaking and i have no doubt it was sincere. this evening i checked my email only to find a message from another student expressing sympthy. and i find myself feeling comforted by these simple gestures of kindness and support.