31 October 2009


what i learned about romance from refrigerator poetry:

  • nothing happens to or is done by me, as there are no first person pronouns
  • in other words, everything romantic happens to someone else
  • everything happens in the past tense; no present or future loving, apparently
  • more happens to him or by his than to her or by hers (very little by hers, actually, since there is no 's' to make her into hers)
  • for some reason saber-toothed tigers are romantic
  • as are big dogs
  • and pirate ships
  • there are some truly disturbing images for female genitalia
  • and hilarious ones for male genitalia
  • most nouns are adjectively enhanced
  • most adjectives come coupled
  • he is much more active and aggressive than she
  • i'm too embarrassed of the naughty bits to display them on the fridge where my innocent taiwanese roommate would see them; they live in a little plastic box on top of the fridge
and now i know everything i need to know about romance.  too bad it won't happen to me (see items one and two, above).

No comments:

Post a Comment